The Older I Get, the Harder it Gets

Seamless chevron pattern in light pastel colors


I’m going to come right out and tell you something about myself that people who really know me should already know: 

I’m 21, and I’ve been single my entire life.

Just typing it out, I feel kinda silly, and embarrassed. Like, that makes me weird, or like I’m stupid. And I don’t know why that is. Why is our culture a place where it’s NOT okay to be single until you find the right person?

Why does our culture lead us to believe that you have to get a significant other when you’re so young that you don’t even know how to drive yet?

Why does our culture pressure us into doing things that we don’t even really want to do, yet it seems good because everyone else is doing it? 

Being single is NOT a bad thing. It’s a time to settle yourself in a job, and figure out who you’re going to be.

The time I’ve spend as a single person has taught me SO much. It’s taught me that, despite the fact that I’m not a feminist in every sense of the word, I don’t need a man to define me. 

It’s taught me that I can be strong and independent.

It’s taught me that God can be the main person in my life – and HOW to put him there so when I do get a boyfriend/fiance/husband, I know how to put God first.

That doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, I spend a lot of my time wondering when God is finally going to bring me the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I wonder if I’ll find him before I’m 22. 

Or before I’m 23.

Or 24.

Or 25.

I wonder if I’ll be married before I’m 30, because that’s a big thing for me. 

When I was 18 and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, my decision hinged on the fact that I wanted to spend my future as a wife and mother. 

And so when things weren’t going my way in the man department, I thought I was failing in some way at being what I truly thought my life was meant to be. 

God knows I’m impatient. He does that better than I do. So when I asked for patience when it came to waiting for my future spouse, I think He took it very literally.

And so now, I wait. I wait until God decides to open up doors to things I can’t even imagine.

I wait.

I wait. 

Philippians 4:6 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

  • Kimberly Kahl

    I wish more young women would be like you. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 29. I had a great career and had traveled and had a great life and he just made it better. I still have a great career and travel a lot 13 years later, but now have a husband and son to share it with. I think I’m happier in my marriage because I knew who I was and I was independent when I got married. We can afford more because I was able to focus on my career before I had a family to worry about. I’m not “knocking” young marriage, but my life is proof it’s not a bad thing to wait a while even if not by choice. No worries. You’re doing great!

    • Ashley

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Kimberly. 🙂 They made my day! I can definitely agree with you. I think that young marriage works for some people, but not everyone.
      I really appreciate everything you had to say…thanks for commenting!

  • Ashley G.

    I like your post. It’s very encouraging. I’m 23 and, yeah, same boat here. But I know God has bigger plans than what I see. I just need to focus on Him right now. This post has actually helped me in more ways than one. Thank you for sharing!

    There’s this verse Psalm 146:3 that says, “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save” (NIV). I know that was most likely speaking to Israel as a kingdom not to rely on other kingdoms to ally with them, but to rely on God as their strength. Still though, I couldn’t help see the irony on how young women seem to think, or rather are encouraged to think, that once they marry their “prince,” then most of their problems are solved. But our future husbands are human. Yes, we can rely on them and help them, but ultimately our main focus is still on God.

  • Ah, this is so encouraging to me. I’m 19 and I’ve never been in a relationship. Most of my childhood friends are in serious relationships and/or living with somebody. Sometimes I feel like people treat me like I haven’t really grown up yet because I haven’t dated around. But you are right, being single gives us the opportunity to really focus on growing ourselves and figuring out who we are. It also helps us to depend on the Lord as our first love.

    He has someone for you! My oldest brother is about to get engaged. He is 26 and this is his first relationship. But the two of them are a PERFECT MATCH. I mean the Lord really brought them together in His perfect timing. Seriously, when I look at how happy and free they are to give themselves to each other whole heartedly, I am reminded that the wait is worth it.

  • Ashley Kilmer

    Ashley, as you know, I can chime in and say “I understand!!” I was in the same boat for a long time… I was 27 when I met Brett, and had only been in one real relationship before that, with a guy who turned out to be a loser 😛 Yes, it is HARD when your heart’s desire is to be a wife and mom! I often wondered the same thing – was I doing something wrong? was there some lesson I was supposed to be learning before God would give me a husband? was I somehow undesirable to men?

    The answer is no. The answer is that God is sovereign and He loves you, and He is working behind the scenes to bring your path to cross with your future husband’s path. I met my husband through a set of really difficult circumstances that I never would have guessed would lead me to him. I was 27 and he was 28, and the way our stories lined up, it was perfect timing. My point is, you never know when God will unexpectedly bring him to you 🙂 And maybe it will be next week, or maybe it will be five years from now. I remember being in a place where I thought “God, I can’t wait another year!!” You’re right, it’s harder the older you get. BUT God is continually faithful, and whenever it happens, you’ll be able to see His fingerprints all over it.